thats me with my male best friend...as you can see,i dyed my hair darker,and im happy with that....im SO sorry i havent written for so long,but i had a car accident,nothing really serious but i broke my wrist and hit my back and my neck...i stayed in hospital for 3days and then in bed- at home- for ten...now im quite good,i can go to school at least. not that i like school so much,i cant wait to finish this school so i can move to university,where i'll study phylosophy...and i have a good news: i've worked for an italian newspaper and,even ifit was my first experience and im only 17,they published my articles! that made me really happy, cause it means im good at something...finally its completely over with my ex boyfriend,i cant say that i dont miss him but maybe its better like that..he was too involved with drugs and i didnt want to be like 2years ago...i have already gave up that stuff once..now i wanna work hard, i wanna write more and more,i wanna gain some weight and try to be healthier (stop throwing up) and focus on my goal..i dont know if i'll reach my goals but at least im trying...

i dont why the pic is so small...anyway,im sorry for the lack of entries but its been a hard period...i've been to the hospital for 3days,i had bloodtests done and,as always,they're terrible.i have serious problem with iron (what a suprise) and with "elettroliti"-thats the italian word,i dont know how to say it in english..in these day im drinkin way too much,and thats not normal.i mean,i dont just drink on weekends;yesterday night i found myself with a bottle of vodka in my left hand,a cig in the right and i was alone at home...and it was wednesday.sad,isnt it?i think im just trying to forget my life,even if for a little..i gave up smoking pot cause it made me super hungry..ah,my ballet teacher said that i cant finish the year and maybe i'll be able to attend her classes on semptember...so good bye ballet.oh well,fuck her...who needs her classes anyway?i feel like everything is falling in pieces and i cant stop it

sorry i havent written for so long,but one of my best friend had a terrible car accident..she's alive now,and its a miracle.it made me think about how im wasting my life...and i hate it.something has to change.

in all my pics i have a pretty smile which is the most fake thing in this world.why cant nobody understand im not as happy as i pretend?these days have been so...strange.my ballet teacher called and asked me if i was ok with my weight and if i could re-start classes,cause we have a quite important show in march.im afraid all the other girls have improved while i was at home,im afraid i wont be the best anymore.I dont even understand why i care so much bout being the best..i mean,who really cares at the end?i've always been like that:i study hard to get the best marks,i increase the hours of ballet in order to be the étoile,i dont allow myself make mistakes...i think sometimes i should relax more,but this is possible only when im drunk or high..why?i dont go to my psychologist anymore cause i felt she couldnt help me...i have to find a way to cope with my life and it wont be easy..

in these pics i was ice-skating with my best friend...we look soo silly!!thank god christmas period is over...i couldnt handle anymore all my relatives..there's this stereotype about italian families:very big,with hundreds of children,noisy and chaothic..and guess what?its absolutely true.every meal,there were like 40people and a looooot of food and i was always saying no thanks i dont feel good no thanks im not hungry no thanks i dont eat meat and blah blah blah...it was so stressful.i mean,i'm happy i got to see my reatives but they are so...they are just too much.and i've gained...im quite happy about starting my normal routine again..now i have to go,but i'll write a longer entry as soon as possible...hope you girls are ok!